A JOURNEY TO HAPPINESS ISLAND s/t (Mutable Press) lp 12.98
A children's album of sorts! As its creators Malcolm Felder, Gabe Boyer and company envisioned it, A Journey... is "not so much a parody of children's music, as in fact an exploration of the style of production that goes into the creation of a children's album." That said, it features characters who go by names such as leading man Mr. Tadpole, narrator/dermatologist (?) Dr. Esophagus, Mr. Chipmunk, Mr. Jeebee and the Sunflower Cabaret. The sounds are playful and quirky. Fun for a wider age group than you might expect!
A side note: If you dig this lp you might wanna check out the cd called The Textbook Tapes which is a tweaked, lo-fi sci-fi concept album created by the same folks.

ABU-JAMAL, MUMIA 175 Progress Drive (Alternative Tentacles) cd 13.98
Hopefully all AQ-list readers are aware of the plight of Pennsylvania journalist and death row inmate Mumia Abu Jamal (sentenced to death for a cop killing that he may, or may not, have committed -- regardless, his trial was hardly fair, making him indeed a true American political prisoner). Alternative Tentacles have done their part to keep Mumia's words and cause in the public eye, this release being the latest to feature his prison radio essays. But it also features Mumia pieces from his pre-conviction radio days (including his interviews with Bob Marley, Ossie Davis, Ruby Dee, Hugh Masekela, and others). It also features musical and spoken word contributions from hip hop luminaries like Chuck D, Dead Prez, Michael Franti, and others. In case you were wondering, "175 Progress Drive" is the address of Mumia's prison cell, from where he continues to fight the power and speak for the black (and non-black) underclass.

ANAL CUNT (A.C.) The Early Years: 1988-1991 (NG Records) 2cd 21.00
THIS IS CURRENTLY OUT OF PRINT OR OTHERWISE UNAVAILABLE TO US AT THE MOMENT, SO PLEASE DO NOT ORDER IT. SORRY.
Previously released as two seperate, hard to find cds ("Old Stuff Part 1" and "Old Stuff Part II") on two different labels. Now some crazy person at NG Records has gone and released this new version, compiling (as it says) the early works (i.e. demos, singles, and compilation appearances) of this notorious blurr-core, noise-metal, very un-pc band from Boston. Over 7000 "songs" to be found here, spread over two cds. That's mainly thanks to the presence here of the tracks from the infamous "5,643 Song EP"... Now for most reviews of A.C. discs, we'd simply pick the best song titles and leave it at that, 'cause offensive & funny song titles are what A.C. does best. But the material on here dates from back when A.C. didn't supply titles (or lyrics for that matter) for their "compositions". So that leaves us to make a case for the musical rather than humorous value (or musically humorous value) of these tracks. Oh boy...well for all you experimental jokers out there, the aforementioned "5,643 Song EP" features the songs playing at the same time! There's actually three hours of material compressed onto the original 7", and it took twenty hours for them to record it! Compares favorably to the Francisco Lopez disc we made record of the week last list... Then there's the "Unplugged EP" tracks, where A.C. takes their screaming metal chaos into the acoustic realm for some unique results. And, any fan of John Zorn or Masonna should really check out A.C. as well, on general principles... truly a classic band, American outsider improv "genius". If not musical genius, then comedy genius. Sure, you or I could have recorded more or less the same stuff on your parents' stereo much like these guys did for their first demo (disc one, track one), but you have to admit that you'd never record so much of it, for so many years, or play such crazy shows. We (Allan and Andee anyway--in fact, A.C. was the first interview Allan ever did for his old 'zine) love this band. For you collectors, note that there's material on these cds not found on the original singles and such. And for novices, we also recommend A.C.'s "Morbid Florist" ep and "Everyone Must Be Killed" album to start with... The cd booklet includes detailed liner notes about each track/release written by A.C. mastermind Seth Putnam. All hail!

AQUARIUS BUTTONS 2 x 1" buttons 1.00
Hey, we just got another batch of AQ buttons made up...
Spread the word! Show the world your true aQ colors! COOL COOL COOL aQ buttons, now in 5 different vibrant color combinations. 4 new color combos (blue on pink, red on black, dark blue on blue, and yellowish green on dark green) and a popular one we had previously (brown on yellow).
TWO FOR $1!!! Colors are random, but buy enough and you'll be guaranteed to get 'em all! And of course all feature our spiffy James Gang style logo!! So stylish!

BAD NEWS s/t (Rampage/Rhino) cd 13.98
THIS IS CURRENTLY OUT OF PRINT OR OTHERWISE UNAVAILABLE TO US AT THE MOMENT, SO PLEASE DO NOT ORDER IT. SORRY.
This is one of the funniest records ever. Now, my coworkers might disagree, having been forced to hear this cd two and sometimes three times a day, but trust me.
The Young Ones was a wickedly funny confrontational sort of sketch comedy show in England, starring, a punk, a hippy, a new waver/square, and a business man. Really Funny.
After that show ended, 3/4 of the stars started the Comic Strip, another sketch comedy show. Bad News is from two episodes of the Comic Strip that focused on the Heavy Metal band Bad News.
This is like a foul mouthed mean spirited take on Spinal Tap. If you remember the Young Ones, I'm sure you can imagine what those guys, playing the world's shittiest heavy metal band would sound like.
Songs, interspersed with argument after argument after fist fight after failed attempt at making 'scary woodland sounds' after shouting match after argument. It is so relentless you can barely take it after an hour. Any one who is into Longmont Potion Castle or the Great Phone Calls record or Jon Wayne (the band) or Spinal Tap will love Bad News. Plus, if you can, rent the video, which is just as funny as the cd. You get to see Bad News actually perform at a British Metal festival, and get pelted with bottles and eventually beaten to a pulp, as well as all your favorite metal stars (Ozzy, Scorpions, Def Leppard, Lemmy) talking about how much Bad News suck. Soooooooo recommended.

BAD NEWS s/t (EMI) cd 12.98
Let's just go on the record and say, that British comedy is far superior to American comedy. Especially in the realm of the ultra-uncomfortable. Love Curb Your Enthusiasm? Just wait until you check out Peep Show. Can't get enough of the Office? Well the British original is way funnier, and WAY more brutal. And you haven't even begun to feel massive gloriously hilarious discomfort until you've seen Alan Partridge (review of the series DVD elsewhere on the AQ site).
But way back when, the Brits were already showing us a thing or too, with the utterly amazing, very DIY, and funny as fuck Young Ones, finding its way to American TV in the '80s... the tale of a hippy, a 'mod', a punk, and a creepy money obsessed shyster, all living in a run down house together, with a talking hamster, an insane landlord, and bands like the Damned or Madness showing up every week to rock out in the living room. After the Young Ones dissolved, the punk, the hippy and the mod went on to the long running meta-sketch comedy show The Comic Strip. Super smart and sharp, but not afraid of being really really dumb once in a while (but in a really smart way).
Hence we have Bad News. The worst heavy metal band you've never heard. Taking the whole Spinal Tap thing in a much more dismal, depressing, volatile and gut busting direction. Culled from two episodes of The Comic Strip, the disc captures all of their 'hits' as well as track after track after track of the band bickering and even physically abusing each other.
As if you couldn't tell already, this is one of the funniest records ever. EVER! And unlike lots of 'joke' musical projects, the songs are completely kick ass. In fact the song "Drink Till I Die" sounds like some lost Motorhead B-side. Hell, A-side even.
They do a painfully bad version of "Bohemian Rhapsody", a Christmas single, and a handful of amazing originals, like their theme song "Bad News" and the super kick ass "Warriors Of Ghengis Khan". But the songs, as good and as funny as they are, are merely musical interludes for the fighting that comes between. And the cool thing, is it's not just clips from the show, it's band meetings, aborted recording sessions (including an amazing bit where they spend forever trying to make 'scary woodland sounds', resulting in one of them moo-ing like a cow, and yet another fight ensues since 'cows are not scary or evil'), confrontations over who re-recorded whose parts, lots of screaming and yelling and tons of profanity. It's intense and brutal and so goddamn funny. It's so relentless you can barely take it after an hour. Any one who is into Longmont Potion Castle or the Great Phone Calls record or Jon Wayne (the band) or Spinal Tap will love Bad News. Plus, if you can, rent the video, which is just as funny as the cd. You get to see Bad News actually perform at a British Metal festival, and get pelted with bottles and eventually beaten to a pulp, as well as all your favorite metal stars (Ozzy, Scorpions, Def Leppard, Lemmy) talking about how much Bad News suck.
Soooooooo goddamn funny and amazing and essential.
MPEG Stream: "Drink Till I Die"
MPEG Stream: "Excalibur"
MPEG Stream: "Warriors Of Ghengis Khan"
MPEG Stream: "Bad Dreams"

BECKETT, SAMUEL Whole Thing's Coming Out Of The Dark (Intermedia / Strunz) cd 15.98
THIS IS CURRENTLY OUT OF PRINT OR OTHERWISE UNAVAILABLE TO US AT THE MOMENT, SO PLEASE DO NOT ORDER IT. SORRY.
BACK IN PRINT! (Now in a jewelcase, not digipack.)
This is such a strange cd. And we've all become completely obsessed with it. A bizarre series of spoken instructions and long droning notes. Easier to just share Forced Exposure's description:
"The playing directions for the instrumentalist on this CD are derived directly from the so-called sucking stones sequence in Beckett's Molloy, where the author has his protagonists invent three variations of the correct way to suck 16 pebbles -- distributed between two coat or trouser pockets. Everything takes place inside the head, and yet these image provoking speech rituals find their way to the outside. Everything becomes the listener's projection room. We look on the speakers as we would an open, exposed interior. Speech is its own dissecting instrument. Existence is transferred into speech, being is removed from its time. The images remain, the sound of speech remains -- in which the secret of an entire world is concealed." Simply, it's 3 actors, reciting instructions like: "Take a stone from pocket one. Put it in your mouth. Suck it. Suck it...." and so on. With the occasional moaning horn. Totally surreal and creepy and super great.
RealAudio clip: "Image 1"
RealAudio clip: "Rule Number 3"

BLOODHAG Hell Bent For Letters (Alternative Tentacles) cd 12.98
It takes a LOT for a joke band to impress us. First, the joke has to be really funny. Second, the music STILL has to rule. Or at least be good enough to make the joke worthwhile. Nothing worse than a joke band that relies totally on their gimmick.
No need to worry about the mighty Bloodhag, the very heavy masters of all things Edu-Core. For those new to the 'Hag, imagine four nerds, white collared shirts (tucked in of course), totally obsessed with science fiction, so much so that each song is the name of an author, and of course the lyrics discuss the authors and their finest works, live the band hurls sci-fi paperbacks into the audience, and they even did an entire tour playing only in libraries!! It stops being a joke when it's this well researched and executed. Check out the cover too, a headless demon, laying atop a pile of books, the band dead with an 'overdue' notice stuck to one of their corpses, a warrior librarian, wielding a sword, clutching the demon's head, wearing sexy librarian glasses and of course with her library ID still around her neck. Awesome. Plus it's called Hell Bent For Letters! Fuck yeah! Check the Cavalar review elsewhere on the list for a rant on punny band names.
What do they sound like? Sort of like a thrash metal Karp, sludgy guitars, galloping drums, shouted vocals, sometimes thrashy and noisy, sometimes gloriously epic, sometimes sort of grunt and death metally. But pay close attention, you might learn something. The tracks this time around (and Andee's take on the books by the authors referenced):
"Gene Wolfe" (you must read his Book Of The New Sun series, so massive and dense and epic. One of the weirdest worlds ever written)
"Robert Silverberg" (just read Book Of Skulls on the recommendation of AQ pal Barbara D., disturbingly racist and misogynistic and homophobic (like many books written in the seventies) but if you can get past that, it's really intense and fucked up and so strangely mysterious. Being made into a movie which seems like a bad move)
"Douglas Adams" (recently re-read the Hitchhikers Guide 'trilogy' and it's still pretty darn funny. The movie was pretty good too)
"Orson Scott Card" (the Enders series is the series that made me love science fiction, just don't read any of the introductions or you'll realize what a Mormon kook he is and it might ruin it for you)
"Greg Bear" (The Forge Of God and Anvil Of Stars: one of the best sci-fi one-two punches ever. So epic and amazing!)
Okay, we could go on and on, the rest of the tracks / authors: "James Blish", "Anne M. Caffrey", "Iain M. banks", "Edgar Allen Poe", "Philip Jose Farmer", "Michael Swanwick", "Frederik Pohl", "Thomas M. Disch", "Franz Kafka", "Madeline L'Engle" and "Jack Womack".
If you like metal, you'll like Bloodhag. If you like science fiction, you -might- like Bloodhag. But if you love metal AND love science fiction, then pick up this slab of crushing edu-core, you just might learn something!
MPEG Stream: "Gene Wolfe"
MPEG Stream: "Robert Silverberg"
MPEG Stream: "Orson Scott Card"
MPEG Stream: "Greg Bear"

BRAXTON, ANTHONY W/ ALEX HORWITZ Four Compositions (Duets) 2000 (CIMP) cd 16.98
Imagine Neil Hamburger backed up by a drunk Albert Ayler. Imagine the worst comedian you've ever seen competing for your attention with an avant jazz musician in the same room. Imagine a 10 minute comedy sketch based on the assumption that DVD stands for digital -versatile- disc ("I mean, I imagine the DVD wearing a dress and singing a song or painting a picture" or something like that) all to the strains of atonal horns.
I mean, we're well aware that there's a healthy chunk of Aquarius customers that scan our lists specifically for things we describe as 'fucked' or 'ridiculous' or 'bizarre' or even just 'stupid'. Well, you're in for it now. You have been warned.
Anthony Braxton, much revered performer/composer/improviser, in yet another incomprehensible collaborative epiphany, has finally teamed up with...a stand up comedian. It's true. And of course, it wouldn't be true improvisation if the comedian weren't improvising as well, so what we're left with, is a series of skronks and squeals, and a series of witty (read: fucking stupid) riffs on newspaper headlines that are NOT FUNNY. REALLY NOT FUNNY.
I don't mean Neil Hamburger not funny, I mean plain old bad not funny...unbearably painful. So painful in fact that our own Andee qualifies this as a must own!!
RealAudio clip: "Composition No.281"

BRUCE, LENNY To Is A Proposition; Come Is A Verb (KnitClassics) cd 14.98
THIS IS CURRENTLY OUT OF PRINT OR OTHERWISE UNAVAILABLE TO US AT THE MOMENT, SO PLEASE DO NOT ORDER IT. SORRY.
Never before released on cd recordings "from Lenny Bruce's private tape stash."

BRUJERIA Mextremist Hits (Kool Arrow) cd 16.98
Greatest hits record from the only metal band made up of Mexican drug lords on the run. Or not. This band of extreme metal bandits may or may not contain members of Faith No More, Fear Factory, Cradle of Filth, and Dimmu Borgir. But they most definitely spit out some of the vilest, heaviest splatter metal this side of the border. Noisy, heavy, sloppy and mean. You like this record. Trust us. You don't want to end up like the dude on the cover. Includes a different mix of their deadly serious 'Marijuana' (played to the tune of the Macarena!)
RealAudio clip: "Machetazos"
RealAudio clip: "Brujo Cirujano"
RealAudio clip: "Marijuana"

BURROUGHS, WILLIAM S. Break Through In Grey Room (Sub Rosa) cd 15.98

CAGE, JOHN Diary: How To Improve The World (Wergo) 8cd 93.00
"This landmark Wergo set presents 8 out of 10 volumes from John Cage's unfinished spoken diary. Read in the composer's own inimitable voice, these recordings provide fascinating insights into Cage's musical and life philosophies. These are not simply spoken word recordings -- each volume is sonically composed. Changes in typography in the printed text correspond to simultaneous changes in the stereophonic position and simultaneous changes in the volume of Cage's voice. This deluxe 8 CD boxed set includes a 64-page booklet containing several photographs taken in John Cage's loft and during the recording sessions in 1991, as well as a complete chronology of the composer's life." - Wergo liner notes. This is the new edition of this infamous Wergo document, with new, slimmer packaging and new written book.

CAGE, JOHN Empty Words (Parte III) (Ampersand) 2cd 17.98
What a fucking nut. Two discs of Cage reading, calmly and without expression, cut-up non-sensical passages from Henry David Thoreau's journals, live in Milan, 1977. The audience reaction is, however, quite expressive! Over the two discs the outcry builds: clapping, jeering, stomping, shrieking. Eventually the recording is more of the noise-making audience's near-riot than of Cage's performance, which is certainly in keeping with the man's philosophy of "music". Amazing and absurd. What a fucking nut!

CANINUS / HATEBEAK Wolfpig / Bird Seed Of Vengeance (Reptilian) 7" 4.50
THIS IS CURRENTLY OUT OF PRINT OR OTHERWISE UNAVAILABLE TO US AT THE MOMENT, SO PLEASE DO NOT ORDER IT. SORRY.
Oh crap. It's here. It was indeed only a matter of time. A canine / avian metal meeting. Or something. On the one hand/paw/claw/side, there's Hatebeak, the grinding death metal juggernaut, fronted by lead vocalist Waldo, who just so happens to be a parrot! On the other, there's Caninus, a thuggy, metalic hardcore mosh pit bull of a band, fangs bared, leashes swinging, ummm, tails wagging. Yep, Caninus is fronted by tag team vocalists Budgie and Basil, both of whom happen to be pitbulls. If there was EVER a record made for AQ customers it's this one!!! Caninus is in full grind mode on this split, with spastic hyperspeed drum machines, buzzing lightning bolt guitars and Waldo's unmistakabe squawk. Caninus counters with some serious moshworthy metallic hardcore, bordering on death metal, with HUGE downtuned riffs, blasting drums, and a wicked array of snarls and growls and barks. And if there was ever any doubt, both bands ostensibly being joke bands, these guys are definitely true metalheads as the whole release is steeped in metal injokes. The Caninus cover art is Napalm Death's Scum album cover, except all of the people in the original are now dogs! The Hatebeak side is titled Bird Seeds Of Vengeance, named after the Nile album Black Seeds Of Vengeance, the cover depicting Hatebeak vocalist Waldo facing off against a bust of King Tut, the whole cover surrounded in Egyptian filligree. And then on the inside there is a photo of Waldo perched on what they purport to be the Spear Of Longinus, the actual spear that a Roman soldier used to stab Jesus in the side when he was on the cross! And then there's the Caninus lyrics, dense with metal / hardcore parody and written from the point of view of a dog (obviously)! Hatebeak declare "Avian Victory!" while Caninus proclaim "Go Vegan" as well as "Fuck You New York Post and New York Times" and in their thanks list give props to PETA, an animal shelter and even a pet supply store!! THE ANIMALS ARE NOW THE (METAL) MASTERS!!

CARNIVAL IN COAL Fear Not (Season Of Mist) cd 14.98
If you always buy the weirdest, most fucked stuff that we recommend on our lists, then doubtless you already have Carnival In Coal's previous disc in your collection, the absurd/astounding "French Cancan". That's the mostly-all-covers disc on which this ridiculous yet brilliant French electronic/metal band turned Pantera into lounge music and "Baker Street" into black metal! This new CiC album is equally fucked, but dispenses with covers in favor of their original compositions. Blending death metal, disco, electronics, and more into a chunky, surreal stew, "Fear Not" sounds like a cross between Rammstein and Mr. Bungle. We repeat: Mr. Bungle. There's lots of faux-Patton crooning on here. For some, a recommendation, for others, a warning!
RealAudio clip: "Yes! We Have No Bananas"

CASSETTEBOY Dead Horse (Barry's Bootlegs) cd 17.98
Not sure what it is exactly that makes Cassetteboy manage to sidestep being nothing more than an overplayed bad joke, but there is most definitely SOMETHING. Most mashups, cut ups, Negativland style wacky plunderphonic records get played out in no time at all, the sort of records you -maybe- put on a mix tape now and then or throw on at a party, but ultimately they end up at the bottom of some pile gathering dust. But we find ourselves listening to Cassetteboy all the time, over and over, and laughing our asses off. Random bits of dialogue, movie clips, all manner of music, and lots of immediately recognizable voices, all chopped up and mixed up and re-assembled into super snarky, bitter, fuck the world sound snippets and song fragments, rife with anti-social sentiments, anti-government propaganda, some truly messed up Harry Potter porn, a crazy funny, awesome anti-Streets track, and all manner of perplexing non-sequitur humor, and loads of peurile silliness. Just give the sound samples a listen. If the Harry Potter clip doesn't make you laugh out loud, well, then this is probably not the record for you, but if it does, then you are in for a treat, as there is plenty of stuff even sillier, more outrageous and way more offensive.
MPEG Stream: "Lambonaise Tonight"
MPEG Stream: "Clever Girl"
MPEG Stream: "Gownday"
MPEG Stream: "Saltgrain"
MPEG Stream: "From This Day On"
MPEG Stream: "Yer Little Pipedream"

CASSETTEBOY Mick's Tape (Antidote / Sanctuary) cd 19.98
As much as we feel like we oughta hate this stuff, Cassetteboy are just so good at their schtick that we can't seem to get enough. This is a bit like Negativland, only with that dry British humor and a much wider self deprecating streak. Most bands who do the whole cut and paste, spoken word taken out of context, weird sound bites over dance music thing end up sounding stupid and like they're trying way to hard to be funny and cool and hip and still somehow failing miserably. Cassetteboy on the other hand, sound like they're just fucking around, and thus there's no hipster weight to what they're doing, but the stuff they're doing is so perfect, and so funny, we can't help but dig it. Cassetteboy sound like blokes you'd want to have over, and sit around listening to crazy fucked up music. Mick's Tape is indeed a mix tape, made up of CB's wacky and sometimes tasteless chop jobs, turning innocent speeches and silly folks songs and instructional recordings into laugh out loud nasties. Then some bizarre and random actual songs (Ivor Cutler, Curtis Mayfield, Ramsey Lewis, Astrud Gilberto, Fennesz, Happy Mondays, Fela Kuti, Shalamar) as well as somekiller tracks from MF Doom, Jaylib, and Squarepusher. It's basically the ultimate aQuarius mix, tons of insane weirdness and laugh out loud silliness, some killer classic tunes, some super dope hip hop, some way out experimental noise, all woven together into a somewhat cohesive but joyously chaotic whole!
MPEG Stream: CASSETTEBOOB "This Woman Stinks!"
MPEG Stream: IVOR CUTLER "Good Morning, How Are You, Shut Up!"
MPEG Stream: CASSETTEBABY "Cobblers"
MPEG Stream: CASSETTEBOTHERED "C U In Court"
MPEG Stream: CASSETTEBELLYUP "Gopher It"
MPEG Stream: CASSETTEZZZZZZZZ "Hoes Down"

CHAPPELLE, DAVE Chapelle's Show - Season 2 (Comedy Central) dvd 35.00
What can you say about Dave Chapelle? Other than he is one funny motherfucker. Funny AND offensive, taking on sex and race and everything else that gets people all riled up! But in a way few can actually pull off. Season one of the Chapelle Show was maybe one of the funniest things we'd seen since Mr. Show, and those of us without cable have been dying for season two. We've only watched the first episode so far, but if the rest of season two is even half as funny we'll be spitting milk through our noses for weeks. Highlights of the first episode include the racial draft (we won't give away all the results but the Jews pick Lenny Kravitz!), Samuel M. Jackson beer, and how things look cooler in slow motion. The rest of the season includes the now infamous Rick James bits and LOTS more. Looked like season three was a wash with Chapelle going nuts and heading off to South Africa for some mental health care and relaxation, but it has recently come to light that maybe that was all a big 'ol joke on us and we can actually look forward to more Chapelle!
Wu Tang Financial! Diversify bitch!

CHAPPELLE. DAVE Chappelle's Show: The Lost Episodes [Uncensored] (Paramount) dvd 25.00
What can we say? We don't know a single person who wasn't devastated when Chappelle ditched his show and took off. And we also don't know a single person who has not been chomping at the bit for these lost episodes, the bits and pieces Chappelle filmed before freaking out. Meant to be parts of a third season, Chappelle's partner decided that it would be a damn shame if no one got to see these skits and he's right. So here you go. A handful of episodes, quite probably the last we'll ever see of Chappelle's Show. The only really good thing to come out of this, is that the new episodes are hosted by Charlie Murphy, who, if you've seen the first two seasons, pretty much gives Chappelle a run for his money EVERY time he's on screen. SO RECOMMENDED.

CHEVY BOYS, THE (Anthem) dvd-r 12.98
With the current deluge of 'reality this' and 'reality that' on the TV and the internet, it's hard to watch this dvd-r without wearing irony goggles, but this footage and the kids on it are real and truly from back in the day. Much like the pre-YouTube old VHS classics Heavy Metal Parking Lot and Metallica Drummer, The Chevy Boys is a document of regular ol' American teens doin' what regular ol' American teens do. But when viewed from a third person perspective their antics, activities and conversations are nothing short of irregular, unintentionally hilarious, and at times downright homoerotic. Perversely fascinating. Shot in Anytown, USA (actually Eugene, OR) circa the late '80s, these sixteen minutes are packed with flailing body moves that vaguely resemble kung fu and breakdancing, butchered renditions of Bon Jovi and Skid Row tunes, and assorted other fucking around. Heck, the boys' haircuts alone are unflinchingly donned by today's fashion mavens and Vice Mag readers far and wide. And no doubt some of you, like us, will recognize some cringeworthy moments not all that far removed from some of your teenage antics. You'll definitely find yourself laughing your ass off, and thanking your lucky stars it isn't you captured in your awkward teenage metal mullet break dancing prime...

CHOMSKY, NOAM The New War On Terrorism (AK Press) cd 13.98
This is a recording of the speech Noam Chomsky gave at MIT one month after September 11th, dealing with the way that US foreign policy has contributed to terrorism in places like Turkey, the Middle East and Latin America. Chomsky clearly points out the absurdities of the American military action against Afghanistan as part of the "War on Terror," which has now morphed into an impending war on Iraq. While the situation in Afghanistan has dropped from the headlines (and even back pages for that matter), and this speech assumes some basic knowledge of US-led atrocities abroad and therefore takes on a bit of a preaching-to-the-choir tone, Chomsky provides some very interesting information on foreign policy matters (including many examples of the USA's total disregard for international law, even more examples of which, unfortunately, just may be cropping up in the near future). What's funny is that many of his examples are quoted from sources like the Wall Street Journal and Christian Science Monitor -- far from being an extreme voice, Chomsky simply reaches incredibly common-sense conclusions from readily available information, albeit information the power elite in our country happily ignore, comfortable in the knowledge that the American people will do the same. Scary stuff.

COYLE & SHARPE Audio Visionaries (Thirsty Ear) cd 15.98
Wandering the streets of San Francisco in 1963, radio "comedians" Mal Sharpe & Jim Coyle presented themselves with an aura of research based authority as they carried out their ludicrous pranks on the unsuspecting public. Dressed rather conservatively in double breasted suits and armed with a tape recorder, they confronted people on the street with such proposals as "For the sake of scientific investigation, can we drill a hole in your head to document the sound of your unconscious thoughts?" or "Please join our cult of three-ism, in which you will join us in a collective agreement and disavow any personal individuality." Coyle & Sharpe's charisma and genuine interest to engage their audience has resulted in a confrontational humor that has rarely been matched. If you have the Coyle and Sharpe cd that was released a few years back on Henry Rollins' label ("On The Loose") you know how funny this disc will be, and don't worry, this one features entirely different but equally insane material. Brilliant, hilarious genius! They far pre-dated the now-commonplace man-on-the-street / guerrilla interviewers. Today's reality TV can't hold a candle to these guys. Just think, this was long long long before passers-by were prepared for what was in store for them! They're the O.G.!

COYLE & SHARPE These 2 Men Are Imposters (Sharpeworld) 3cd + dvd 32.00
Hallelujah!!! All of you folks already well-versed in the much-more-than-comedy duo of Jim Coyle and Mal Sharpe, you know this is the one you've been waiting for! If you've not yet gotten your introductory dose of their genius antics, this is a perfect place to commence your schooling. For a brief spell in the early '60s -- waaay back before everyone and his mother became acclimatized to guerrilla 'man on the street' style pranks -- these two sharp dressed gents were wreaking havoc in and around SF, blindsiding pedestrians along Market Street. Their unflinchingly methodical mischief was an effortless razor sharp blend of social criticism, surrealism and utter hilarity. Often their verbal interrogation would take on somewhat sinister and/or downright subversive undertones. Indeed, theirs was a much more refined and thought provoking mind-boggle than the recent parade of heavy on the obnoxious, gross out factor peeps such as the Jerky Boys or Jackass crew. Sure much of Coyle and Sharpe's antics may seem tame by today's standards, but simply put, their perfect balance of lightning quick wit and stoic straight-facedness has seldom been matched, let alone bested.
Released on the Sharpeworld label run by Mal Sharpe's daughter Jennifer, this fantastic four disc set comes pretty much straight from the horse's mouth... well, at least one of the two horses' mouths. Sadly Jim Coyle passed away in 1993, but in the years since his passing his cohort Mal Sharpe and their legions of diehard fans (including one Henry Rollins) have kept the Coyle & Sharpe magic alive. Sharpe compiled the proceedings here which include a Best of '63 collection recorded off the radio on New Year's Eve '63, a reissue of Coyle & Sharpe On The Loose (originally released in 1995 on Rollins' 213 label), a third cd of recently unearthed raw recording odds'n'ends with their earliest known recording from '61 plus 'Coyle & Sharpe Get Arrested' (yes, really!), and finally a dvd of the pair's 1965 pilot TV show The Imposters (the socialite dinner party and employee evaluation segments are particular viewing treats). This is truly a case of that old truism "they don't make 'em like they used to"! These 2 Men Are Imposters is a genuine treasure trove. Highly recommended!!
MPEG Stream: "Record Your Stomach"
MPEG Stream: "Daring But Dead"
MPEG Stream: "114 Noises"

CROSS, DAVID It's Not Funny (Sub Pop) cd 12.98
Oh yes it is. Even the liner notes are funny ("thanks to the good folks at Sub Pop: you may know jackshit about music but you sure as hell know about pre-recorded comedy"). A new David Cross recording is cause for celebration here at Aquarius, we've all been big fans of the guy from his days on HBO's Mr. Show through his current career as Sub Pop's resident stand-up comedian, with both his Shut Up, You Fucking Baby! double cd and his more recent Let America Laugh DVD getting major thumbs up action from us here at AQ. Chances are, you're familiar with him too, so by way of introduction all we'll say is he's one funny SOB, whose often ad-libbed, profanity-laced humor really shines through in these dark times. Part of what makes Cross' act so brilliant is his regular, indie-rock sarcastic schlub guy persona...he's confronted with the same bullshit we all are, and maybe we're all thinking about stuff along the same lines, but then he manages to take things to logical yet over-the-top conclusions where suddenly he's blurting out what amounts to the truth about some totally taboo subject, whether it be just how EVIL our President is (where he imagines Bush eating little Jewish babies just to prove it), to all the evils we all are complict in just being cogs in our capitalist, consumer culture. Sexism, racism, homophobia, hypocritical 9/11 patriotism and paranoia... Cross takes aim and blows it all out of the water. Definitely not for the easily offended (like the 'good old Texas style dogfucking' segment) or for Republicans in general. (And what's Cross gonna do if Bush loses? The administration gives him so much material to work with.)
Cross can take a wee concept like "electric scissors" and really run with it, somehow relating it back to his larger critique of American society. Religion and politics too are also ripe David Cross targets, and if the Office of Homeland Security has one Least Favorite Comedian, it'd be Cross. And of course that's why the title is in fact, in a way, accurate: the 'War on Terror' isn't funny, the war in Iraq isn't funny, Bush and his cronies aren't funny, but what Cross has to say on those subjects is important to hear. If it makes us laugh, too, well that's maybe all we've got I guess. Might as well be laughing while we've still got the right. So, definitely a Record of the Week, especially considering that this will probably get played more in the store here than anything else this week!
MPEG Stream: "I've Taken A Popular Contemporary Pop..."
MPEG Stream: "My Child Is Enthralling, Especially..."
MPEG Stream: "My Immigrant Mom Talks Funny!"
MPEG Stream: "Even Though I Am In The Closet..."
MPEG Stream: "Weathermen Have Become...."

CROSS, DAVID Let America Laugh (Sub Pop) dvd 14.98
We love Mr. Show. And we LOVE David Cross. And we loved his double cd on Sub Pop, And now we LOVE this DVD. I threw it on only expecting to watch a little chunk of it, but we ended up watching the whole thing and laughing hysterically the whole time. It's not a concert film, in fact there's very little stand up at all, it's more like a tour video, documenting the travelling, and the fans, and the freaks, and the drunks, and the club owners and Cross's unique response to all of them. Highlights include a segment where he hands the mic to a girl in the crowd mid set so he can go take a piss, and the part where he spends an entire set talking about the asshole club owner, who then tries to kick him out after the show, while Cross draws it out as long as humanly possible, tormenting the guy. So uncomfortable. But so brilliant. The whole thing is like that, so uncomfortable it's funny!

CROSS, DAVID Shut Up, You Fucking Baby! (Sub Pop) 2cd 15.98
Funny that. We hardly ever get any comedy records to review (unless you count Sounds of American Doomsday Cults a comedy record), and on this list we've commited to two. But, unlike the Neil Hamburger record that appears a little later on in this list, Mr. Cross is actually funny. In the real, HA HA HA, as opposed to "HA HA HA" kind of funny. Though most well known for his part in the HBO series Mr. Show with Bob Odenkirk, Cross has been working hard to make people laugh / piss people off since his early days as a writer for the Ben Stiller show way back in 1992. It seems like ages since I've purchased an honest to goodness comedy album. I think the last I purchased was either Eddie Murphy's first, or the Bob & Doug McKenzie "Great White North" album. But what instantly stands out as a difference between the earlier greats and David Cross is that, where the former are cold, calculated comedy, the latter is off the cuff and loaded with improvised material. Cross, apparently in jest, remarks on the liner notes to the album that his physician requires him to get sufficiently wasted before, during and after his set. But I don't think it's entirely, if at all, in jest. I really think Cross does get snuckered before a gig. But whether he does or not, you can distinctly tell from his delivery that he hasn't worked his routine to death before hitting the stage. Which is impressive when you consider the dangers of crashing and burning on stage when you lose your focus. I won't pretend there aren't any stuttered deliveries here, or that David Cross' professionalism keeps him above the realms of sloppiness. No, there's plenty of that here. And what's more, you realize while listening to David weigh in on the Catholic Church (molesting preachers), George W. Bush, and even his native south -- he's a fucking angry man. He doesn't approach these subjects lightly, he goes in swinging his wit around like a chainsaw. Needless to say, those who are easily offended should probably pass this up. But for anyone who's enjoyed Mr. Show, this should be required listening.
RealAudio clip: "Austin Powers Saying "Yeah Baby""
RealAudio clip: "My Wife's Crazy!"
RealAudio clip: "Diarrhea Mustrache"

CROTCHDUSTER Big Fat Box Of Shit (Willowtip) cd 14.98
Uh...ok, this one's straight-up embarrassing. For us, 'cause we kind of like it! Can we even justify reviewing something called Big Fat Box Of Shit? We're usually the first to condemn "joke bands" (and good grief we get enuff of 'em here in San Francisco). But once in a while, against our better judgement, one of 'em make us laugh. Or simply astonishes and astounds us with their (misplaced but) incredible musical chops. Crotchduster is one of those. It's a side project of Florida technical death-metal act Capharnum (whose album Fractured we recommended on list #190) and it reveals their obvious love of Frank Zappa and juvenile, bathroom-stall humor. Definitely not for the easily offended or overly intelligent, as the R-rated sexist, scatalogical "humor" here is definitely dumb. About the only lyrics that aren't overtly rude are all the inside jokes about someone named "Bill Williams"! But the lyrics aside, the way these guys jump from blasting grind to fake AOR to hip hop skits to pop punk to whatever style of music they decide to skewer next is *amazing*. They do it dead-on. I mean, Mr. Bungle never juggled genres as deftly as these guys! Such a genre-splicing approach can either be intended as an avant-garde, post-modern, serious thing, perhaps with weird overtones (Candiria, Naked City, Sigh) or just for yuks (Steven Schultz, Spazztic Blurr, Reggie and the Full Effect, Crotchduster), with the likes of Mr. Bungle and the Secret Chiefs 3 falling somewhere in the middle I guess. So Crotchduster is at the low-brow-for-laffs end of the scale, where the jokes are soooo dumb ("Mammal Sauce"?) but so elaborate (like the interminable fake hate-mail reading towards the end of the disc) that it's almost funny even when it's not funny (or *that* it's not funny, the 'Neil Hamburger effect' we could call it). Insanely stupid but incredibly well done. It'll either leave you laughing or asking "why?" or both... you'll certainly be impressed by the (waste of?) musical talent displayed here. Definitely for Steven Schultz fans...imagine a foul-mouthed, misogynistic Steven Schultz with his mind in the gutter...
MPEG Stream: "The True Nature Of Williams"
MPEG Stream: "Mammal Sauce"

CROWLEY, ALEISTER 1910 - 1914 Wax Cylinder Recordings (Transparency) cd 8.98
THIS IS CURRENTLY OUT OF PRINT OR OTHERWISE UNAVAILABLE TO US AT THE MOMENT, SO PLEASE DO NOT ORDER IT. SORRY.
If all of that dark gumbling on your Current 93 records got in the way of listening to Aleister Crowley's incantations of magick, then this is certainly for you. A collection of very raw wax cylinder recordings in all of Crowley's spellcasting 'fury'.

DICKMAN, STEPHEN Who Says Words (New World Records) cd 15.98
Here's a disc for fans of the cult pulp horror master H. P. Lovecraft. Composer Stephen Dickman's specialty is to "set" texts (poems, prayers, prose) by various authors into musical structures of his own design. In this case, the major work here is a performance of Lovecraft's short story "The Music Of Eric Zann" by baritone Thomas Bruckner (known for his work in Robert Ashley's operas). The avant-classical vocalist reads Lovecraft's tale of cosmic terror (about a musician opening a portal to another dimension) in a semi-sung, semi-spoken sort of hypnotic chant. It, at first, seems more comic than cosmic sounding, but eventually the mesmerizing rhythms of Bruckner's narration begin to have a more disturbing effect. At over twenty minutes, and with no instrumental accompaniment, it really starts to sound like Bruckner is losing his mind--the typical fate of all Lovecraft protagonists! Bizarre and ludicrous, perhaps, but pretty cool. The rest of the disc is great too, with one text-less piano piece of great beauty, as well as more singing by both Bruckner and soprano Elizabeth Farnum, of texts by Rumi, Milarepa, and Rabbi Nathan of Bratslav. These tracks feature either piano or violin accompaniment.

EARLES & JENSEN Present... Just Farr A Laugh (Matador) 2cd 14.98
For this review, we recruited AQ pal Cliff Hengst, artist and co-editor of "Good Times: Bad Trips":
I love me some good prank phone calls. A great prank call can be the most devastatingly funny thing ever - it's just you and the caller, and of course, the poor sap at the other end (who never seems to get the clue to just hang up). Of the many prank-call cds we've listened to, this one stands out as among the most brilliant and repeatedly played. It's perfect for those long road trips to stave off the urges to cause injury to your traveling companions. Reissued as a double cd with 25 extra pranks (the original, released in 2002 was fine enough), it's packed with some of the most memorable and pathetic characters you've ever heard. The middle-aged and recently divorced Barbara, who loves the "stanky blues" of Bonnie Raitt, trying to join a band to spite her ex-husband; Barbara's ex-husband in turn calling the same poor dude warning him about his ex-wife and her "buffet of psycho-tropic drugs"; Bedroom ETA , a "quiet storm" band that involves a hilariously sung Jermaine Stewart song; and of course, Bleachy, a fat black sad-sack who harangues army recruiting offices, worker's comp centers and fast food chains with his miserably petty requests and complaints - so awesome! It's really no use reading a review of something like this; you miss the timing, the phrasing, all those embarrassing awkward pauses, and out of left-field cultural references. So listen to the clips. An original and hilarious collection that you will listen to again and again and will make you "shit your pants". Comes with a prank-by-prank analysis booklet by Andrew Earles and Jeffrey Jensen. Shattering.
MPEG Stream: "Barbara: A Realistic Portrait"
MPEG Stream: "Bleachy and the .99 cent Bufords"
MPEG Stream: "Bedroom ETA: A Jermaine Stewart Cover Band"
MPEG Stream: "Tim Butler: An old flatmate of David J's"
MPEG Stream: "Kurt Loder Has Lost His Mind"
MPEG Stream: "Bleachy Wants To Watch Murder She Wrote"

EARLES & JENSEN PRESENT Just Farr The Record (Matador) lp 19.98
An ultra-limited single LP of outtakes by Earles & Jensen from last year's smash comedy album Just Farr A Laugh. Limited edition, hand numbered 300 or so copies.

FAXED HEAD Chiropractic (Mimicry) cd 13.98
The furious fivesome from Coalinga are finally back, dispelling rumors of suicide pacts or abductions, with nine tracks of venomous (not to mention completely retarded) death metal. For those familiar or unfamiliar with their past work, Chiropractic continues the destructive path forged by 1997's "Exhumed at Birth": buzzsaw speed riffs, stop-start rhythms, sharp cut and paste edits and totally fucked cookie monster vocals. Completely stupid and highly recommended! With the current resurgence of costumed art punks and ironic metal bands, Faxed Head have made a timely and highly anticipated comeback. On a final note, in no way are any of Faxed Head's members involved with Mr. Bungle, Caroliner or Neil Hamburger. Released on Trey Spruance's lovely Web of Mimicry label.
RealAudio clip: "Rest Stop Cleaning"
RealAudio clip: "Chiropractic"

FOUNTAIN, JUDSON Completely In The Dark (Innova) cd-r 14.98
We never understood why this disc was ever allowed to go out of print. Fortunately Innova finally decided to print up some more (it's still a cd-r, alas) and we're happy to have this amazing weird insane release to sell to y'all again. Here's what we said when we originally reviewed it back on list 184:
Oh man. If you are a faithful Aquarius list reader and lover of musical oddities, just stop right here, and push the buy button because you need this record. Judson Fountain was born in 1952 and was obsessed with radio dramas since he was old enough to talk. In fact as soon as he was able to talk he began doing impressions of cackling hags, wicked witches and all sorts of animals. All of which would come to play a big part in these radio dramas right here. Recorded between the ages of 17 and 22, these eight dramas are only a drop in the bucket of the hundreds of radio plays Judson wrote and performed. All of them primitive and simple, but amazingly creative and entertaining, and all featuring Judson's unique vocalizations along with his partner/foil Sandor Weisberger. But there's no way to describe them, you just have to hear them. Judson has a crazy East Coast accent, and he talks like a hyper school boy who thinks faster than he can get the words out, which you can hear in a handful of interviews preceding some of the radio dramas. Using crude sound effects and sometimes painfully deliberate plot exposition, these dramas all rely on Judson and Sandor's crazy array of voices, from Irish Brogue, to old Thai man, to teenage gangster to tuneless singing grandma, to British detective to various witches and demonic women, all with distinctly hysterical and completely bizarre cackles. The plots are all very simple, good vs. Evil, haunted houses and witches and stuff. But they are all done so sort-of-professionally and so earnestly that they're just completely irresistible. Listen to "Garbage Can From Thailand" and you'll immediately know what we mean. Judson is just so cute. And so is Sandor who introduces each drama (which he pronounces drahmmer) and also reads the credits afterwards. I've had a Judson Fountain cassette for years now thanks to AQ pal Jay Lesser so you can imagine how excited we were that some of this stuff was actually finally getting released. Our only complaint is why did Innova make it a cd-r??! It's got a professionally printed booklet and everything, so how hard would it have been to press up real cds?! It costs as much as a real cd after all. Cd-r or not, this is so good, and so funny, and so cute, and so weirdly brilliant, that it definitely needs to be in your collection!
MPEG Stream: "The Garbage Can From Thailand"
MPEG Stream: "Two Boys In A Haunted House"

FOUNTAIN, JUDSON Dark Dark Dark Tales (Innova) cd 14.98
BACK IN STOCK!
Holy cow!!! A whole second collection of radio dramas from the amazing Judson Fountain and his faithful sidekick and loyal announcer Sandor Weisberger. The aQ faithful will no doubt remember Completely In The Dark, a mind blowing compilation of funny, goofy, clever, way over the top dramas, performed by the two men, each taking on various characters, voicing men and women, even monsters, stealing the various incidental sounds and background noises from old sound effects records. Totally lo-fi and DIY and so so so genius. Not sure we could describe Judson and his oeuvre any better than we did in that first review, so for those who missed that first Judson Fountain collection (if you did, you NEED that one too!) or just need a refresher, here it is:
Judson Fountain was born in 1952 and was obsessed with radio dramas since he was old enough to talk. In fact as soon as he was able to talk he began doing impressions of cackling hags, wicked witches and all sorts of animals. All of which would come to play a big part in these radio dramas right here. Recorded between the ages of 17 and 22, these dramas are only a drop in the bucket of the hundreds of radio plays Judson wrote and performed. All of them primitive and simple, but amazingly creative and entertaining, and all featuring Judson's unique vocalizations along with his partner/foil Sandor Weisberger. But there's no way to describe them, you just have to hear them. Judson has a crazy East Coast accent, and he talks like a hyper schoolboy who thinks faster than he can get the words out. Using crude sound effects and sometimes painfully deliberate plot exposition, these dramas all rely on Judson and Sandor's crazy array of voices, from Irish Brogue, to old 'foreign' man, to various witches and demonic women, all with distinctly hysterical and completely bizarre cackles. The plots are all very simple, good vs. Evil, haunted houses and witches and demons and stuff. But they are all done so sort-of-professionally and so earnestly that they're just completely irresistible. Judson is just so cute. And so is Sandor who introduces each drama (which he pronounces drahmmer) and also reads the credits afterwards.
Sold yet, you should be, as every single one of these drahmmers, as well as the ones collected on the first compilation are a total hoot. The scary ones are only barely frightening, instead, they're fun and funny and kitschy, there's always a moral, the bad guys usually get their comeuppance, the good guys prevail, or if they don't it's because they foolishly failed to heed repeated warnings and sage advice. All of these radio plays are from the early seventies, and are GENIUS!!! But there is a bonus track as well, a radio play called "The Nasty Roomer!" written in the style of Judson Fountain, by one of Judson's biggest fans, and performed by Judson and Sandor, reunited in 1995 and broadcast live on WFMU! The crazy thing is, the two of them sound exactly the same, and sound like they're having a blast, often slipping into giggles, performing the play after only having seen it for the first time a few minutes earlier. So fantastic and fun and joyous and still so goofy and silly and practically perfect.
Unlike the first collection, this one is an actual cd (not a cd-r) and comes with a huge booklet packed with photos, and the transcript of an interview that took place at the same time as the performance of "The Nasty Roomer!", and there's even a mention of a possible volume THREE! Bring it on!!!
MPEG Stream: "The Gorgon's Head"
MPEG Stream: "The Wax Museum"

FREE LUNCH (Kittyboo) 7" 4.98
THIS IS CURRENTLY OUT OF PRINT OR OTHERWISE UNAVAILABLE TO US AT THE MOMENT, SO PLEASE DO NOT ORDER IT. SORRY.
Artist/illustrator J.otto Seibold and Vivian Walsh's children's classic Free Lunch is here read and musically riffed upon by Brian Dewan. A rare single we got straight from J.otto, so buy now or cry later.

GARLAND, JUDY Speaks! (Celebrities at Their Worst, Volume 2.5) (Mad Deadly Worldwide Communist Gangster Computer God) 2cd 14.98
THIS IS CURRENTLY OUT OF PRINT OR OTHERWISE UNAVAILABLE TO US AT THE MOMENT, SO PLEASE DO NOT ORDER IT. SORRY.
Volume "2.5" of the series that shows what stars past and present say when the cameras and tape recorders *aren't* supposed to be rolling. This double disc set features just Judy Garland in all her drunken pillpopping glory, much of it purportedly from never-released home recordings she made for her autobiography.
"I'm an angry lady: I'm a lady who is angry. I've been insulted, slandered, humiliated -- but still 'America's Sweetheart.' Now I'm rather intelligent, I think, and I'm emotional -- YEAH -- I'm a woman; I'm emotional... I wanted to believe, and I tried my damndest to believe in the rainbow that I tried to get over and I COULDN'T... I've sung, I've entertained, I've pleased your children, I've pleased your wives, I've pleased YOU -- you SONS OF BITCHES! Now you better write it, YOU BETTER PAY FOR IT, OR DON'T LISTEN AND GET THE HELL OUT OF MY LIFE!"

GIRA, M. Somniloquist (Young God) cd 14.98
Outside of his leadership role in Swans and World of Skin, Michael Gira's prolific aesthetic of the abject has also embraced the written word. "Somniloquist" is a collection of his recitations of five of his stories, two of which come from the claustrophobic and brilliant book "The Consumer." Gira's presence as a speaker is lucid and surprisingly unassuming. When reading his work, I felt the enraged bark of the musician who created such a pummelling force on "Filth" or "Cop", but the violence and misanthropy which is uttered here has become the norm for Gira. Perhaps that is what makes this so disturbing.

GREAT PHONE CALLS (Ipecac) cd 17.98
When "Great Phone Calls" first came out so many years ago (6 or 7?), it quietly marked the first appearance on record of the now-infamous Neil Hamburger, sad sack comic who's since gone on to great heights of humor recording for the Drag City label. A collection of prank phone calls, this is hands down one of the funniest records we've ever heard, from the aggro bass player who answers a musicians-wanted ad to a fat guy trying to order a low-fat pizza. Some of the calls are borderline offensive, and some jump right over that line, so be forewarned, but it's so worth it anyway. In fact the Hamburger tracks are among his best cos unlike later recordings of his live paying-gig performances, here on Great Phone Calls he's trying so desperately just to get a gig, calling comedy clubs and harrassing the bookers. You MUST hear this!
Note: this has been reissued by Mike Patton's Ipecac label and he makes an uncredited sneak appearance on the record too.
RealAudio clip: "I'm in Your Band"
RealAudio clip: "(Write My) Name on the Toilet"

HAMBURGER, NEIL Bartender, the Laugh's On Me!!!! (Planet Pimp) 7" 3.50
THIS IS CURRENTLY OUT OF PRINT OR OTHERWISE UNAVAILABLE TO US AT THE MOMENT, SO PLEASE DO NOT ORDER IT. SORRY.
The sleeve reads: "A souvenir recording recorded live at the Days Inn, Modesto, CA."

HAMBURGER, NEIL Great Moments At Di Presa's Pizza House (Drag City) cd 14.98
Album number five (or is it six?) from America's "funny" man. This time Neil frames the record in the form of a documentary, with Mr. Hamburger's stand up peppered in between testimonials from people about the 'legendary' Di Presa's Pizza House and Neil Hamburger's fabled career at the fictional restaurant. Guest appearances from the former owner of Di Presa's, its patrons, a health inspector, a food critic and more. Not necessarily funny (but when IS Neil Hamburger actually funny?) but very weird and packed with plenty of WTF moments.
MPEG Stream: "Great Moments At Dipresa's [excerpt 1]"
MPEG Stream: "Great Moments At Dipresa's [excerpt 2]"

HAMBURGER, NEIL Inside Neil Hamburger (Drag City) cd 9.98
America's (Australia's?) Funnyman is back with another painful session of not-too-funny standup "comedy". And that, of course, is the joke. Brilliant as usual.

HAMBURGER, NEIL Laugh Out Lord (Drag City) cd 14.98
What can I say? America's favorite worst comedian has released yet another album. It's been eight years since Neil Hamburger, a.k.a. Gregg Turkington, released his first 7" on Amarillo Records and with this release now has a roster of 6 full length albums and three 7" singles. This time round, along with the occasional 'audience' harassment routines, Mr. Hamburger even sings a couple of songs. Though many may feel that the 'joke' has gotten a bit old and that maybe Turkington should retire his zipper schtick, Drag City is sure that you'll enjoy yet another release of Neil Hamburger.
Here's what some Aquarius folk say about this new CD:
"Fucking horrible!" -Sadie
"Byram, is that it or did you just get fed up and take the CD off?" - Jim
Personally, I'd like to see Greg reissue some of that classic Bean Church material. Hey Gregg, when you gonna put out "Night of a Thousand R's" on CD?
RealAudio clip: "Seven Elevens"
RealAudio clip: "Drag City Records"

HAMBURGER, NEIL Left For Dead in Malaysia (Drag City) cd 12.98
While a good portion of Neil Hamburger's 'comedy' routines involve a rather Andy Kauffman-esque antagonism of the audience through the use of some of the most offensive and least funny jokes ever uttered, Mr. Hamburger does not have the fortune of having an audience who understands him much less cares, as he is performing for a Malaysian audience which does not speak any English and quietly waits for Mr. Hamburger to get off the stage in favor of their regularly scheduled karaoke.

HAMBURGER, NEIL Left For Dead in Malaysia (Drag City) lp 8.98
While a good portion of Neil Hamburger's 'comedy' routines involve a rather Andy Kauffman-esque antagonism of the audience through the use of some of the most offensive and least funny jokes ever uttered, Mr. Hamburger does not have the fortune of having an audience who understands him much less cares, as he is performing for a Malaysian audience which does not speak any English and quietly waits for Mr. Hamburger to get off the stage in favor of their regularly scheduled karaoke.

HAMBURGER, NEIL Pays Tribute to Diana, Princess of Wales 7" 3.99
THIS IS CURRENTLY OUT OF PRINT OR OTHERWISE UNAVAILABLE TO US AT THE MOMENT, SO PLEASE DO NOT ORDER IT. SORRY.
Heh heh heh. Everyone's favorite sad sack comedian issued this single in "limited edition black IN MOURNING vinyl", and there's a bonus kleenex in case you feel like emoting.

HAMBURGER, NEIL Raw Hamburger (Drag City) cd 13.98
Neil's "blue" record. Hilarious. Offensive. Really stupid. We play it a lot here.

HAMBURGER, NEIL Raw Hamburger (Drag City) lp 9.98
THIS IS CURRENTLY OUT OF PRINT OR OTHERWISE UNAVAILABLE TO US AT THE MOMENT, SO PLEASE DO NOT ORDER IT. SORRY.
Neil's "blue" record. Hilarious. Offensive. Really stupid. We play it a lot here.

HAMBURGER, NEIL Sings Country Winners (Drag City) cd 14.98
A new album from 'funny man' Neil Hamburger. No, of course it's generally not very funny. Did you expect otherwise? That's why you love his sodden, nasally gawdawful self, right? And that's why you want/need a cd of him singing country tunes which are not as amazingly appallingly bad as we were expecting. Kinda makes this sort of disappointingly good even! And it's made even better by the fact that Mr. Hamburger is pals with some hot poop musicians who've helped him out (almost too much so!) on this full length! Winners? Yes, there actually are a few. Don't say we didn't warn you.
MPEG Stream: "Three Piece Chicken Dinner"
MPEG Stream: "Please Ask That Clown To Stop Crying"